Mixers Boycott to Demand Better Warranties

Kitchen gadgets from can openers to milk frothers have long enjoyed a full array of care benefits as spelled out in their warranties. A typical gadget warranty includes 5-years of full, unlimited care.

But mixers and warmers haven't been automatically granted such generous warranties, and they are often unable to afford private supplemental warranty packages. A typical mixer warranty only lasts for two years and doesn't include parts. These appliances are often less affluent than their gadget counterparts, despite their advanced training.

A small group of mixers, led by civil rights activist Blender, seek to change this discrepancy. "We demand equal warranties so that we can also enjoy a fully productive and satisfying life." The group has begun a boycott of all mixing and warming activities. Though ovens generally receive benefits comparable to kitchen gadgets, they have agreed to join the mixer boycott.

President spoke today from the Blank House to remind the mixers of their civic duty. and stated, "Children everywhere will be denied ice cream shakes and cinnamon toast. We cannot accept such a disruption to our children's lives and their hopes for the future."